~ Be The Artist You Wish To See In The World ~

     I am sitting on my back porch, enjoying the solitude and refreshment that comes with it, embracing every moment knowing my time of quiet, peaceful rest and simple breathing is dwindling.

It is a beautifully dark day. The wind shoots strong gusts one moment as gray-blue clouds hover overhead like an ominous warning. In another series of moments, the white clouds and bluish sky that peek through are more prominent as the grayish clouds part and let in bright sunshine. It is entrancing that the grayish clouds can make the trees and leaves look gray and make me almost feel gray as well, as though it were a living thing. It is cool, with the sun hidden and the strong winds blowing. Yet, when the sun breaks through it is almost too bright and too warm, giving everything a vivid golden yellow hue to it. Nature is art.

 

 

     Utilizing my dwindling time of solitude and the break in our Florida heat, I am seizing the opportunity to get a head start on my reading material before my online classes actually start. I am even more convinced that it was wise to register for Art History to combat the icky-ness of having to take Introduction to Research. Something that sounds so dull and painful combatted with something that helps me to get back in touch with who I am in my soul and the multiple colors that run through my veins. I took an art class at University of Phoenix when I attended many years ago, but it was hopelessly dull and simple routine explanations of facts and observances. I learned very little. So far, in only going through one week's material, I am already learning to see it from a different perspective and appreciate it more. By learning more about the beauty, importance, and necessity of art, I am learning to embrace the beauty, importance, and necessity of myself as an artist. I have different mediums, but I am an artist all the same. I thrive when I am able to express myself and wither when I am forced to conform. I need time solely to myself in order to grow, reconnect, and recharge myself. Otherwise, I lose myself in the distractions and vulgarity of life.

     A plague of a question that never seems to keep fully resolved and has persisted throughout my life is 'why don't people see me for who I really am? Why do I always seem to get taken the wrong way and accused or suspected of things which are never my intention?' I realized today, that just like any work of art, the artist's intention generally is overlooked and most people view it from their own perspectives. Perhaps certain people see or suspect the worst in me because they know themselves to be capable of the worst, or perhaps they have dealt with a majority of unpleasant people and therefore, by default, lump me into that category and mistake my words or actions to be something suspicious and negative. Those who will truly see me are only those who see with and look for truth. I am learning it speaks less of me, when I remain consistent though I am constantly growing, when people criticize, accuse, or degrade me in various forms, yet speaks many more volumes about them.

     I am a realist. I see the world for how it is and try hard to maintain objectivity with people and situations. I am learning that not everyone is like that. Very few are actually. In a world where media sensationalizes things for ratings and money, schools and government force-feed us "our thoughts" and tell us what we should think, it is no wonder that objectivity and a thirst for truth is a dying thing.
A person can know someone quite well, yet when another person says something negative about them that is untrue and based on their own negativity, then like a blind mass of sheep, one by one, the people can turn on that one person. It is a sad case I know well and see often. Are we no better than children? Blind sheep who hear a voice and run in that direction?

     I respect and hold greatly even more to the people that value truth, and aren't afraid to dig deeper beyond the superficiality of things, whether people, situations, or art. Life is meant to be explored. We are not meant to be force-fed our own "opinions" and shunned if they contradict the masses of "accepted opinions." We are meant to be free. To paint the world as we see it best enhances the beauty. To love people and embrace them no matter the differences or if one person has ill-feelings towards them. The world is still a beautiful place, despite the ugliness of the hearts and the blind naivety of people in it.

    So, paint on my friends...or cook, or sew, or build, or grow.

   
     Whatever you do, do it because your whole heart is in it, because it burns a fiery passion in you, because it enhances the beauty around or within you, because it is a powerful and bold step toward truth in a world that gorges itself on lies.

     Be the blue in a field of yellow...

~ The Starving Artist

~ Calm Before the Storm ~

     I have just under two weeks left of my break from school before I start back into the madness and whirlwind it is.
     January 18th I begin to tackle two new courses, which I must devote as much time as possible to in order to obtain a C or above to keep my GPA boosted. I just got the thrill of getting a B and thus being taken off of Academic Warning. It is a delight, yet a stressor, to keep tackling, yet slowly but surely I am making progress.
     Meanwhile, I will be starting my 2nd grader on more intense levels of work, covering what he is struggling in, and gearing up to prep him for 3rd grade. The first part of the semester we focus on covering the basics of his current grade, the second part is for those loose ends and more specific areas he needs help in, then the last part of the second semester and over the summer is all prep on the upcoming grade level. It works out pretty well for us so far.
     In the middle of that I have my list of things to do before the baby gets here. I am so excited, we all are, but there is much to be done in order to make the transition as easy as possible for us. The more I work to prep now, the more I can focus on my precious new little one when he or she gets here.
     In this calm before the storm of my current life, I have been trying to read as much as possible because I know I will not get much leisure reading time once school starts. I will be cramming in my textbooks info that will fry my brain and have nothing left but goo. On top of reading, it has been inspiring me and stimulating me to write. I was reading one particular book and wondered why I kept thinking about a particularly story of mine that is in queue to be written when I finally realized that the main character of the book I was reading was the same name as the sister of the main character in the story I am writing. I laughed then almost panicked and wondered if I should change the sister's name, then forced myself to not panic since they didn't have the same last names and it really wouldn't matter to the readers anyway. The sister is stuck to her name in my opinion. I can't think of her with any other name, so there it is. I realize I will come across stuff like that from time to time. No matter that "I made it up" there will always be similarities or resemblances because we, as a whole, are influenced by similar things, have access to the same news, etc. As long as my story is not completely similar to another, then it really doesn't matter for the "smaller" things like similar names. BUT.... I WANT TO WRITE!!!! I reveled in this weekend when it was rainy and my guys were on the back porch so I got to have over an hour to myself to write in bed with the windows opening while listening to the rain. WHAT BLISS!!!! I added much to the set-up and would have kept going had my husband not asked about dinner and then I realized I needed to eat something. Seriously. Writing is almost an addiction I think. If given the opportunity and in the "write" frame of mind, I could sit all day and not even eat anything due to being so lost in the story and that burning maddening need to purge it from my head and get it out as something tangible. I had hoped to be able to write more during the pregnancy, as it is likely I will have even less time to write than I do now once my little one gets here, but pregnancy does not change that I am still a student and a homeschooling mom with a house to run and keep going smoothly. There is little time to write, but I'm working on it.
     I gave up Facebook this week for our week of prayer and fasting that my church encourages. Since I can't exactly fast from food because I already struggle to get enough in me each day, I chose Facebook, and to no waste my time on mindless things when I am tired or not feeling well. It's easy to get lost in that junk. It steals the story from me. I feel recharged. I SOOOOOOO needed this time. I have been so close to burnout for a while. I almost don't know what to do with myself given this break from school and the madness that ensues, but I am learning to breathe again and embracing every moment with my son while he's still the only child, and trying to get household projects accomplished, and maybe, just maybe, I will get the spare room inhabitable again and dive into my neglected art. Oh to get my hands messy and sticky with paint smears again!!!
     Another year gone, a new one arrives. This year is the one for potential and progress.
     I am ready!



Until next time,

~ Crystal