This post is in response to all of the posts flooding my facebook feed about how all welfare recipients are lazy, users, no-good, and should just go out and get a job. Well, to all those ignorant people I write this post. It's easy to like a comment or share something like that when you aren't face to face with the reality of what it means to be on welfare, when you have NO IDEA what it is like for those on it, or why some people have to get on welfare knowing the IGNORANT people who will choose to turn their noses up at them and form judgmental opinions. This is especially pointed at all of the professing Christians on my Facebook feed that are so quick to bash others when you have NO IDEA what it is like or what led them to be on welfare in the first place. Next time you post that, just post it directly to me, because I was on welfare and I'm the one you so hate. No, please read on. If this makes you uncomfortable having to take a look at the person and people you are bashing, keep reading, because your posts only bring me back to one of the darkest and most depressing times in my life and people like YOU are who made it even worse for me. Please, read on. For my sake and all the others like me.
When I was a little girl, my dreams in life did not consist of being on welfare. They consisted of things like being a movie star or singer, travelling the world, and pursuing my college degree. Life has a funny way of not working out according to our dreams. At 21, my husband of only a short time decided he no longer wanted to be married. My son was young at that time and with my husbands permission while my son was young, I would focus on taking care of him and getting my college education; one of my dreams. Just when I got enrolled to college, the rug got pulled out from under me. I had no personal income. When my then-husband chose to leave us, he took the only income with him. I fought for many months to receive spousal support from him to keep a roof over my son and I's head. As painful as my husband wanting a divorce was, what followed only beat me into the ground even further. It was a few months later when it was recommended to me to get on welfare for my son and I as I was scrambling to keep from losing our home, keep us fed, keep up with my college courses, and try to find a job in the process, all while mourning my crumbled marriage and trying to keep convincing myself to get out of bed each morning despite the overwhelming grief I felt. I had to put on a happy face for my infant son and unloading my tears and fears at night while he was asleep. I constantly struggled to juggle my time between a demanding infant, my heavy courseload at school, and trying to find a job, any job.
I wound up getting low grades or failing many of my courses because the time I should have spent focused on studying and doing my assignments, I instead spent scouring monster, careerbuilder, other job search websites, and even craigslist. I also looked up donating plasma. If I ever heard back from any place I turned in an application, they always hired someone better qualified for the job. Then, all the other job openings required at least a college degree or 2+ years experience at that particular area of job, neither of which I had. It was a horrible Catch-22. To have a job I must have experience; to get experience I had to have a job.
I tried Work-At-Home businesses like Melaleuca and Avon. Melaleuca I invested in and never made much of anything so I let that go. Avon, I was at least able to make enough to be able to buy shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, body wash, and other necessities for myself and my son that I was otherwise unable to afford. I poured myself into that business, but unfortunately unreliable customers and too many Avon ladies in a small territory wound up costing me money that I didn't have.
I was blessed to get on welfare, though that wasn't pretty or desired either.
WIC
consisted of a little formula and baby cereal for my son, a few loaves of
bread, milk, cheese, peanut butter, and $6.00 worth of produce per month. Not much,
though I was grateful for everything I got. Getting the WIC was a nightmare of
having to wait at the office that was always crammed with people and some mom’s
with over 3 kids. I had to answer questionnaires and was always afraid that if
I answered wrong my benefits would be taken from me. They would ask invasive
questions and always bring up the divorce. Are you married? Separated?
Divorced? Requiring the father’s info… Painful things that I had to endure
because I relied on the government to help feed me and my son through one of
the hardest and painful periods of my life that I was doing on my own. Getting
food stamps was worse. The over-the-phone interviews that most of the people
questioning me would be so mean and make me feel I was a criminal and would
interrogate me like I was lying. Many times I was left in tears. There was
always some hoop to jump through that added even more stress and fear to my
already overflowing plate. I didn’t enjoy the process and I didn’t enjoy not
being able to provide for my son. I felt like a failure as a mom because I
couldn’t even provide for his basic needs, and mine were out of the question. I
was struggling with everything I had to keep a roof over our heads, always afraid
of not making the rent each month. There were no luxuries. At some points, I
had to scrape together 88 cents to get toilet paper from Wal-mart, or wait
until the people whose kids I babysat would pay me and sometimes they didn’t
and sometimes they didn’t need me so I couldn’t even count on that money. I
sweated it out at 80 degrees sometimes or more because I couldn’t afford a high
electric bill. I rationed water for myself because I couldn’t afford a water
bill. I would actually use my food stamps to buy the 50 cent gallons of water
to use to cut down on my water bill costs. I was depressed and feeling like a
failure on a different level than what I went through in my teenage years, and
many times after I got my precious little guy to sleep, I would get in the
shower or curl up in a ball on the floor and cry until there was nothing left
in me, and do everything in my power to think of ways to make money and get by.
Only God was what sustained me and got me through.
My
food stamps consisted of about $200 a month. 200 divided by 30 days is about $6
a day, split between two people is $3 a day to feed my son and $3 a day to feed
me. Try that. I dare you. Try going to the store and shopping on a budget of
$200 a month for two people, one a boy with a healthy appetite that ate about as much as an adult, and see how
well you do on $3 a day, for 3 meals, equal to $1 a meal. Try it, you who are so
quick to condemn and “call-out” people on food stamps, and know that if you run
out of food that’s all you get for the month. I learned a lot about the
Israelites back then and understand them to an uncomfortable degree. I totally
got their complaining and what it was like with Manna. For a week or two, my
son and I would eat well. I would alternate the food stamps with WIC, but
towards the end of the month we would always run out. I remember staring many
nights in my pantry with my stomach growling from hunger pangs, feeling
malnourished and desperately craving some salad, or fruits, or vegetables, but
all I had in the pantry was a few boxes of pasta, rice, ramen, etc. Meat was a
luxury. Anything other than pasta, rice, beans, spaghetti sauce, was a huge
luxury that I craved. Breakfast of cottage cheese, a sliver of cheddar cheese,
and a boiled egg was also a treat to me. It was flavorful and filled me up. I
got the experience of standing in lines at church food pantries with my son
trying not to cry and silently crying out to God why I had to go through this
when all I wanted was to love my son, raise him right, and live a life pleasing
to Him. It wasn’t fair, but I sucked it up, always feeling a horrible pang of
maternal failings. I had no pride, I just wanted to take care of my son the way
he deserved, and I fought and prayed every step of the way, getting creative.
Birthdays
were a luxury because that meant getting a little money that I could then use to go to the thrift
store and get some books and things for my little guy that I couldn’t normally
do. I also used his birthday money to stretch it out and give him something
from me for Christmas.
I am
writing this because I realize through growing facebook posts, articles, and
comments that some people are fed-up with Food Stamp users. Yes, many are
abusers, but like everything in life, some can always spoil a good thing. I personally have a close relative who sells their food stamps to buy drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I get your frustration, because that infuriates me too, but here's a key point: NOT EVERYONE ABUSES WELFARE!!! Not everyone wants to be on Food Stamps, but some have
absolutely no choice and Food Stamps and all other government assistance becomes
a lifeline and one of the biggest blessings. To those who are fed up with
Foodstamp users and like to share all the ideas of how to make it harder for
those on food stamps and government assistance, I’m writing this because I am
fed up with those people who have NO IDEA of what it is like from the other
side and are so quick to look down on and condemn them, criticize them, and
help make them feel even lower than they are already made to feel. When you do
that to them, you are doing that to me, and all the others like me who use/used
government assistance for the intended use, to HELP people in bad situations
get through, even though it was BARELY getting by.
Many people are like me; they find the rug pulled out form under them in life with a divorce, or their spouse or child gets cancer or some other serious illness, or they get laid off at work, or a myriad of other reasons.
So, please consider your rants, tangents, and comments BEFORE you post and consider ALL sides. Are you bothering to help any of the needy families on government assistance? Or are you just going to criticize them??? The world has enough hurtful opinions, but very few who actually care about HELPING. Especially if you call yourself a child of Christ, how are you being Christ-like to those you are cutting down? How are you being Christ-like to those in need?
I've also got more news for you, if I wasn't blessed with a job while I was still single that got me just over the cut off mark for welfare assistance, which is 1500 a month, and got blessed to be able to live with a wonderful couple who took my son and I in, and if I weren't now married, I would likely still be on welfare, because it is nearly impossible to live on your own with a child these days on minimum wage. Try it before you criticize please, and count yourself blessed you have never had to experience the depression of having to be dependent on others for you and your child's wellbeing. It's NOT FUN! Then again, the way you are treating people on welfare, I almost count myself more blessed, because it has taught me compassion and to not judge based on appearances. You know how many times the people behind me in the checkout line would crinkle their nose at me when I pulled out my EBT card?! I looked, I eventually got over wanting to cry inside or yell at them I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS! I DIDN"T CHOOSE TO BE A SINGLE MOM!!! Now, I'm telling you, because you are the crinkling nose people who snubbed me all those times. Don't call me a friend if you do that to me or people like I once was.
Another thing, the cut off for welfare is $1500. When I started making a little money from babysitting, being honest, they started cutting my already low food stamps, making it even harder to get better. The system is messed up and it's almost like it forces you to lie or not take a little extra income in order to keep receiving assistance. Me, being honest, got penalized. Thanks for your encouragement in my hardest years. Remember me when you criticize welfare recipients again.
Many people are like me; they find the rug pulled out form under them in life with a divorce, or their spouse or child gets cancer or some other serious illness, or they get laid off at work, or a myriad of other reasons.
So, please consider your rants, tangents, and comments BEFORE you post and consider ALL sides. Are you bothering to help any of the needy families on government assistance? Or are you just going to criticize them??? The world has enough hurtful opinions, but very few who actually care about HELPING. Especially if you call yourself a child of Christ, how are you being Christ-like to those you are cutting down? How are you being Christ-like to those in need?
I've also got more news for you, if I wasn't blessed with a job while I was still single that got me just over the cut off mark for welfare assistance, which is 1500 a month, and got blessed to be able to live with a wonderful couple who took my son and I in, and if I weren't now married, I would likely still be on welfare, because it is nearly impossible to live on your own with a child these days on minimum wage. Try it before you criticize please, and count yourself blessed you have never had to experience the depression of having to be dependent on others for you and your child's wellbeing. It's NOT FUN! Then again, the way you are treating people on welfare, I almost count myself more blessed, because it has taught me compassion and to not judge based on appearances. You know how many times the people behind me in the checkout line would crinkle their nose at me when I pulled out my EBT card?! I looked, I eventually got over wanting to cry inside or yell at them I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS! I DIDN"T CHOOSE TO BE A SINGLE MOM!!! Now, I'm telling you, because you are the crinkling nose people who snubbed me all those times. Don't call me a friend if you do that to me or people like I once was.
Another thing, the cut off for welfare is $1500. When I started making a little money from babysitting, being honest, they started cutting my already low food stamps, making it even harder to get better. The system is messed up and it's almost like it forces you to lie or not take a little extra income in order to keep receiving assistance. Me, being honest, got penalized. Thanks for your encouragement in my hardest years. Remember me when you criticize welfare recipients again.
Sincerely,
Former Single Mother Who Praises God for the blessing
of Food Stamps and is thankful for the experience because I will NEVER look
down my nose at those on government assistance.
*DISCLAIMER* No harm was intended in the making of this blog, just a little voice from The Other Side that doesn't get much of one.
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