Parenting: Cut Mom's Some Slack - That Means Yourself Too

So... I think I am understanding why parents choose to have children closer together.
In my situation, it wasn't possible. I was a single mom for many years until a new marriage brought about a new baby.

 My newbie was born just short of eight years between his older brother.

Eight years is a LONG time in parenting years.

I am realizing that I am practically and might as well be a brand new parent. It's what it feels like. I have completely started over and realize that I have forgotten even the most basic of things. I have to re-learn this stuff all over again. Perhaps it is because I have far more going on in my life now than I did eight years ago, or maybe brain cells have died, or I am getting old and losing it. Whatever the case, it stinks. Not my child, but the parenting part.

As a single mom, I totally fought for every bit of it because I knew nothing about raising kids, just what NOT to do and what I hoped to avoid.

I had all these hopes and aspirations this time around since I was better educated, better prepared, and much more stable than I was with my first child. This time, I was going to tackle parenting with my 'grand plan' as I was more experienced... well, that didn't work. I learned again that life throws curveballs.

I was determined to have a water birth. Due to the jets being positioned awkwardly in the tub which was painful for me during contractions, and my cervix not being completely effaced, I wound up giving birth in bed.

I was determined to fully breastfeed since I was uneducated the first time around and gave up only a few months in. I caved after three days of my own intense pain from recovery, lack of sleep, and a fussy and gassy baby that wouldn't sleep on his own and hardly at all. The gassiness made him squirmy so he wouldn't/couldn't nurse at times. Then there were the times I was so in pain that I was in tears and it hurt worse to rock him and nurse him. Then there was the actual pain from nursing in the beginning that was too much for me when coupled with pain from a 2nd degree tear from labor and that recovery. Then there was the total exhaustion from lack of sleep so when my husband took over for a shift I let him use formula so I didn't have to nurse and could get the care and rest I needed to function.

I was determined to not feel in-over-my-head and to be the super prepared awesome mom that totally loves every moment with her kids and can do it all. You know, those Hallmark moment type things. That was over within the first week I think.

I don't know how most couples/parents do it. I look at other parents of newborns and wonder if they go through the same challenges, frustrations, and tears that we do, or if we are doing something wrong or there is something wrong with us.

I didn't really judge other mom's before, because I know better. I got so much judgment as a single mom which is the LAST thing that is helpful. This time though, I have a much better appreciation and understanding of the importance to NOT JUDGE other parents, especially first-timers, especially single parents, especially parents of newborns. We are all learning as we go and adjusting to life's curves. Our children are all unique and circumstances pop up that derail us from our plans. At the end of the day which is more important: the plan or the child?

I hope other parents don't criticize or condemn other parents over formula vs. breastfed, co-sleeping vs. independent, vaccines vs. none, etc. Each parent has a right (with the exception of abuse or neglect) to do as they see fit for their children and most all have their children's best interest's at heart. We are all learning as we go. Sometimes we may have to adjust plans as need be. Sometimes we don't have the resources to do what we wish, and having others throw guilt to us on top of that disappointment is the last thing we need.

I hope parents can be supportive and encouraging to one another. We are, after all, adults setting a tone for how our children respond in this messy world.

Our goals should be to help and not hurt others. We shouldn't be afraid to address concerns, frustrations, tears, etc., that we have as parents. We should be able to reach out for advice or just a vent without getting crap from others. We should focus on helping, not hurting... and we should be able to form a community of parents who help nurture each other so we can better nurture our children.

Maybe that's just my idea of a parenting Utopia though...

One thing I have gleaned from this experience is to appreciate any and all efforts parents make with their children and to learn from the different styles and methods. Aren't we all truly 'winging it' after all?